Flashbacks
by MJlover20
Summary: One year after the end of the war, Katniss and Peeta still struggle with moving on. Peeta/Katniss helping each other get past the scars of the war.
1. Moving On

**First chapter of maybe three or four? It depends! Please please please let me know how you like this one. I just had to write it, I felt like the words were forcing themselves onto the computer screen! Anyway, reviews make my day! Please and thank you. xoxoxo**

I woke up to the sound of rain hitting the window outside of my room. I inhaled and smiled at the smell of bread spreading through the house, sending signals through my brain that Peeta was already here and working. It would be a good day.

We really had been doing well together. It'd been a year and…

Then it hit me. And I burst into tears.

I cried and cried into the sheets. Nothing else mattered. Not my routine with Peeta. Not eating or hunting. Nothing mattered except for the fact that one year ago, _today_, Prim was killed.

I cried until my body just wracked with tearless sobs. The rain continued to pound against the roof and I heard Peeta move around the kitchen.

I hoped he wouldn't check on me to see why I wasn't coming down to breakfast. Whenever we talked about something from the past, he'd get an episode and wouldn't come by for nearly a week, afraid of hurting me.

My head started to hurt. This was the day I'd been dreading for weeks. Every other time I thought about her, I was able to push it back. Peeta would bring up something else. He'd get my mind off of her… God, why wasn't he up here?

_No, Katniss._ I thought. _He doesn't need to see you like this. That isn't good for him or for you._

I whimpered against my pillow and debated whether or not to go downstairs.

We had been growing closer. I mean, he cared about me. I knew that. He would fight off flashbacks for minutes. Enough time for me to leave, even though I never did. He would force me to eat when I just wanted to stay in my room all day. He even stayed late on his good days, fending off my nightmares as I dozed off, wrapped in his arms, the faint glow of the TV flashing behind my closed eyes. Why didn't I just go to him? We only had each other now. Shouldn't I start opening up to him?

My heart ached as I burst into tears again, not just for Prim but for me and Peeta too. Everything had been taken from us. Today. Today a year ago, our lives completely changed.

My sobs came in waves, hitting my body so hard I felt like a thousand bricks had landed on my heart. I missed everything about my 'old self'. My mother, even if she was broken. My little sister. Hunting with my best friend. Trading in the hob. All of it was gone.

Except for my boy with the bread.

I suddenly realized the only thing that could even start to make me feel better was Peeta. I needed him. He was the only person who could save me.

"Peeta," I cried, my eyes about to shut. The emotion was too much. "Peeta!" But my voice came out hoarse and broken. I couldn't tell if he had heard me or not. I gave up and buried my head in my pillow. "Please come up here," I whispered.

A minute later I heard my door open. Loud feet walked across the floor.

I looked up. "Peeta….?"

"Hey," he whispered as he sat down next to me. "Did you want to come down for breakfast?"

I shook my head miserably. "No."

He was silent for a minute. "Today's the day, isn't it?" he asked quietly, putting his hand tentatively on my back.

I burst into tears again.

"Katniss…" He sighed and laid down next to me, gathering me in his arms. "Hey, hey…It's okay."

I grasped onto him as if my life depended on it. "No it's not," I whispered against his chest. "She's gone…She's gone, Peeta."

He put a hand up to cradle my head. "Katniss…"

"Peeta…don't talk. Just stay here, okay?"

He kissed my head and brought me closer to him. "Okay, sweetheart."

I cried silently and he just held me tight. Everything from the past three years flashed through my head. I started to get overwhelmed, and pressed myself as close to him as I could. I closed my eyes in an effort to block out everything but his warm body against mine.

After a while, I think he believed I was asleep. He kissed my head again and whispered, "I still love you, beautiful," into my ear. My heart leaped, but I kept my eyes shut as he tucked my head under his chin. His hand found mine and he wound our fingers together. "Good night, Katniss."

He loved me. He still loved me.

This was it. A year later and we were both finally moving on.

I had to say something. I had to tell him that I loved him too. I think I convinced myself of that when I called for him to come upstairs. My voice was thick in my throat when I whispered his name. "Peeta?"

He jumped slightly.

"Peeta…It's okay," I whispered against his chest. "I…I love you too."

He looked down at me. "W…What?"

I smiled. "Peeta, it's always been you. I thought I never wanted to be with anyone," I sighed and took a deep breath. "But then I met you. I met you and everything changed. It took me a long time… But I love you."

He looked at me for a second before he crushed me to him. "Katniss…" His voice cracked. I looked up at him and saw tears running down his cheeks. "I'm so in love with you," he whispered.

I reached up and brushed the tears away. He leaned down and kissed my lips gently. "Thank you for not giving up on me," I whispered against his mouth. "Stay?"

He nodded, kissing me again. "Always."


	2. Now or Never

**Sorry it's been so long since I've last updated! Finals are insane right now and I'm planning for a big trip this weekend so it's been kind of crazy. Thanks to all of you who reviewed/followed! Reviews always make my day! Love you all xoxoxo**

That night he had an episode. It was the worst flashback he'd had since the war; for both of us.

My back was pressed up against his chest, his lips kissing my neck, when it started. His arm started trembling against my hip and I sighed.

We could never catch a break.

"Peeta?" I whispered, turning to face him. "It's okay, Peeta. It's not real. Not real."

Before I could comprehend what he was doing, he hopped off of the bed. If I knew anything about these hijacking moments, I knew he wasn't completely gone yet. If he could distance himself from me, then I could get through to him.

"Peeta!" I yelled more forcefully. "It's Katniss. We're okay. We're at home and you're safe."

"You!" He screamed equally as loud as he pointed a shaking finger at me. "You killed them!" His eyes burned holes into mine.

I slowly walked towards him, the neckline of my nightgown feeling like a choke collar around my neck. "No…Peeta…"

"Prim!" Peeta cried, walking to the dresser on the side of the room. A mirror hung above it, and he looked into it, his eyes raging with hate. Hate that I knew was directed towards me. "And Finnick!"

He gripped the sides of the mirror, his back tense. He threw it against the hardwood floor, causing it to shatter into a million pieces. "And Rue!"

A glass piece pierced into my foot and I let out a small cry. "Peeta," I said hoarsely, my lips feeling dry. "That's not…"

"Yes it is! I saw it with my own two eyes! You killed them all!"

He began to pull the dresser drawers out, sending clothes flying everywhere.

Tears sprung into my eyes. Every name he shouted out drove the knife deeper into my heart. Like this day hadn't been hard enough. "PEETA!" I cried, tears streaming down my face. "COME BACK!"

Peeta turned his head to look at me, his bright blue eyes already dark black. "You…you killed my brothers…" He walked towards me until he was so close that I could reach out and touch him. "It was your fault!"

His hand reached out and hit me across the face. I fell, hitting my head on the hardwood floor. He continued to yell insults at me and I cried out in pain at the same time his foot connected with my stomach, sending shooting pains through my body.

"Peeta…" I cried, about to pass out. "Please…"

I looked into his eyes as his foot swung back. As he was about to kick me again I could see his eyes change color. He slowly put his foot back on the ground.

"Katniss…?" he whispered.

I gulped. "P…Peeta…" I took a deep breath in.

Peeta looked at me for a second and the impact of his episode hit him. His shoulders drooped in defeat. I knew he wouldn't remember what happened, but by the look on his face, me lying on the ground told him enough. "Oh God…" He slumped against the wall. "Did I…?"

I sat up, holding my side. "It wasn't your fault…" I shook my head, trying to brush my tears away.

His hands went out to grip my shoulders. "Katniss, what did I do?"

"Nothing…"

"What. Happened?" He squeezed my shoulders tighter. "What did I do to you?"

"You…You hit me…" I whispered. He hadn't hurt me since that night he came back from the Capitol during the war. Over a year ago.

His face went blank. "What else? Why are you grabbing at your side?"

I knew there was no lying to him. "You kicked me…my stomach," I said, wincing as I spoke.

I could see the emotions flicker across his face. Hatred for himself, confusion, anger, love for me. I reached over to grab his hand, but he pulled it away.

"Peeta…"

He got up and stalked out of the room. But not before I saw a single tear streak down his cheek.

I stayed on the ground for what seemed like eternity. It could have been minutes, hours; I had absolutely no idea. But it seemed like the only thing I'd was capable of doing that morning was cry.

It hurt. My whole body hurt. But the emotional damage that was slowly being rebuilt by him, had suddenly been torn down again. The names he had shouted at me, even in his hijacked state, cut deeper than the punch he threw across my face.

And I just didn't have the energy to get up and face him.

Not today, of all days. I just can't keep up with the ups and downs the morning had caused. Prim, my relationship with Peeta, his flashback….it was too much.

I knew that if I let myself slip, that I would end up the same way I did when I came back to District 12 from the Capitol; broken, angry, dead.

And Peeta would become silent again. Watching me, my every move, as he tried to distinguish between real and not real. Baking wordlessly. Sighing often. Never touching me…

I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't sit back and watch as he fell back into that person, all because I was too hurt, too embarrassed, too depressed to go to him.

Taking a deep breath, I forced my body upright. I slowly rose to my feet and hesitantly walked towards the door, focusing all of my energy on getting down the stairs.

It was now or never. And I chose now.


	3. Come Back To Me

**I'm so sorry I haven't been updating! But it's summer now, so hopefully I will have more time! Thank you to all of my readers. Remember, reviews make my day! Xoxoxo**

The house was eerily quiet as I opened the door to my room. I didn't think he'd leave like this. No matter how bad a fight was, Peeta never left in the middle of it.

I prayed that if he'd left, he hadn't gone far.

I crept down the stairs, sobs catching in my throat and wracking my body. I had no idea where the strength to get off of my bedroom floor had come from, but now that I was up and looking for Peeta all I wanted to do was find him.

I didn't have to go far. As my foot made contact with the solid ground at the bottom of the stairs, I could see Peeta's blonde head and broad shoulders over the couch. He hadn't left. Thank God.

Walking up to the back of the couch, I put my hands on each of his shoulders.

His back tensed up, his jaw clenched, and I didn't know if he was having another episode or if he was just afraid he would…

"Peeta," I whispered into his ear. "Come back to me."

"I'm here," his voice came out hushed and defeated. He was hurting more than I was.

I kept my hands planted on his shoulders as I kissed his cheeks, his neck, his ear. "No you aren't, you're so far away…" I felt him sigh. "Talk to me. Please. I'm not angry."

He stood, distancing himself from me and the comfort I was trying so hard to give him. He turned to face me, showing for the first time how much this had affected him. His eyes were bloodshot, tears streaming down both sides of his face. He stood still, taking in my same emotional state.

We just stared at each other until he spoke.

"Katniss, you don't get it. I could have really hurt you. I could have…" He trialed off, unable to finish the thought. "Maybe I should leave. Give us both some space."

"NO!" The reply escaped my mouth and surprised both of us.

"Kat…"

"I said 'no'." My heart was beating out of my chest, my feelings pouring down my face.

"All I'm doing is putting you in danger. I can't do that to you, I love you too much…"

"And I love you too much to let you go!"

I walked around the couch so that I was within arms' reach of my Peeta.

"Katniss…"

"I said 'no'." I repeated, putting my hands on either side of his head. "Peeta Mellark, listen to me right now. I can handle this. I can handle the bumps and bruises along the way, okay? I know you never mean to hurt me and next time if I need to leave, then I will. But what I can't handle is living my life without you. I can't handle waking up without you, fending off the nightmares without you, or eating breakfast without you." I was full on sobbing now. "You still save me. Every single day. Please…"

He couldn't leave me. He couldn't.

I saw his resolve crumbling. He opened his arms to me and I walked into them willingly. I rested my head on his chest and tried to catch my breath as he whispered to me.

"Okay, sweetheart, okay. Ssshhh…I'm not leaving. I couldn't. I love you, I love you." He brought us down to the couch, cradling me in his lap. He kissed my tears away until I settled down. "But you need to promise me something, Katniss," he finally whispered.

"What?" I asked, closing my eyes, and laying my head on his shoulder.

"If I tell you to leave during a flashback, you leave."

"Peeta…"

"You can come back. Just let the worse of it pass. Sweetheart, if I tell you to leave, there's a reason for it. I don't want to even come near you in that state again."

I opened my mouth to argue with him, but he cut me off again.

"Give me ten minutes. Then you can come back, okay?" He kissed my lips gently. "Please, Katniss. For me."

I nodded, not happy. But if giving him up to the flashbacks for a few more minutes means I can keep him, then I'll do it.

"Okay." I took a deep breath.

He smiled, for the first time today, and I couldn't help but love him even more. He always thought about me.

"I love you, Peeta." I said it. On my own. Without responding to him saying it.

He looked about as surprised as I did. "I love you too. Always," He whispered into my ear. "And I'm not going anywhere."


End file.
